Could the chosen couple be a way to become your true self? To create a relationship, and to make it a lasting couple, you need two persons: yourself and your loved one. Some people say that your loved one brings out the best in you. This would mean that we can become a 2.0 version of ourselves… an improved human being, so to speak. This is undoubtedly a bit of an exaggeration. However, when we can be ourselves, without worrying about what others will say or what is considered proper, we can awaken hidden treasures. Isn’t that where the true richness of a relationship lies? In the space we give each other to truly be ourselves. These precious moments offer each partner the opportunity to reveal themselves to the other, and thus to get to know each other better, if not to discover each other in depth. An elective union would thus initiate an unparalleled process of personal fulfillment.
The chosen couple, a laboratory for self-improvement
One of the foundations of the elective couple is love. This feeling is not just an ethereal idea, it is a quality of being that leads both partners to respect each other, trust each other, and pay attention to each other. Even more than friendship, love provides a deep and lasting emotional connection. This allows couples to flourish in their partnership.
Stability over time, an essential security
This lasting connection gives individuals the time they need to explore, test, and discover:
- Their emotional, physical, psychological, and even spiritual needs (which give meaning and inspiration to their existence)
- Their immediate and long-term desires
- Their innate and acquired limitations
- Their areas for improvement and the means to achieve them
The other person’s patience, attentive listening, and suggestions without negative judgment will encourage her partner to be truthful and confident. On the contrary, society imposes norms and codes that can freeze each person into a role she must fulfill. It becomes difficult to express one’s differences and find one’s place in life.
Respect, the quality that elevates us
If someone looks at you with contempt, you will tend to try to conform to what you imagine they think, or rather, what they expect of you. A haughty gaze pushes you either to submit or to surpass yourself facing the person who is looking down on you. If, on the contrary, you are shown respect, you will be able to unleash your creativity. When you open a bird’s cage, it flies away. A happy relationship offers this kind of gaze. In such a union, you choose to walk together, to progress together in a positive atmosphere, believing that you can move forward.
Trust opens up a world of possibilities
Elective union fosters a bond of trust, comparable to communicating vessels. The trust we receive reinforces the trust we give. It provides tremendous support for trying new things, experimenting, and allowing ourselves to reveal what we previously dared not show. If I trust you, if I know that I will not be judged or mocked, then I can open up completely. And what is extraordinary is that this benefits the couple by strengthening their connection and opening them up to new realities and dimensions.
The elective couple offers an unexpected benefit: the opportunity to become oneself
Many things attract us to our loved ones. Their spirit, their conversation, their natural beauty and charm, their way of being, and so on and so forth. But in elective couples, we look for something else. It is the quality of the relationship that matters most, a depth in the bond and in the way it is expressed, which opens up space for something new. This allows spouses who did not always perceive it to not only remain themselves, but also to become fully themselves.
Being happy together while remaining independent allows you to fulfill your potential
When you manage to reconcile two seemingly opposing realities – being happy in a relationship and knowing how to live alone in a balanced way – you achieve a deeply satisfying sense of fulfillment. Making this a long-term commitment builds the necessary foundations for individual fulfillment, without using another person for your own ends. It is easier to give yourself time when someone is there to accompany and support you. You also sincerely rejoice in seeing the other person flourish. The elective couple has a creative force within it. This force weaves together the three components of adult romantic relationships (eros, the desire that encourages us to live and thrive fully; philia, friendship as constructive kindness and relational truth; and finally agapè, a form of selflessness that places the other, if not the common good, before one’s own comfort). This force is just waiting to be expressed, and it strengthens the couple. Each person feels better, more like themselves, and the richness of each enriches the dynamism of the duo.
Modern women have fully realized their potential
Long confined to household chores, women have emancipated themselves and earned the right to realize their potential. This does not mean, however, that they no longer want to be mothers or wives. On the contrary, many women still find some fulfillment in these areas of experience and expertise. But women insist on one of the reasons for being in a couple that has long been neglected in their case: the possibility of fulfillment. If, in order to last as a couple, we no longer want to forget the “I” as before, it is still a question of giving it a place in symbiosis with the “we.” Today, couples communicate more about their desires and the possibility of living a relationship that combines the “me” and the “you” while nurturing the “us.” We fulfill ourselves individually, as a couple, and as a family, not in rivalry with each other, but in an articulation of being “oneself”, being “with” (investing in quality relationships, with healthy attachments and multiple affiliations), without forgetting being “for” (investing in the world at large). We reject all domestic slavery and injustice on principle, even if disparities persist (inequality in income, the physical and mental burden of childcare).
The essentials in a nutshell
The elective couple is a lived reality that is constantly evolving. However, there are some enduring and widely shared aspirations within it:
- It is a safe space where you feel respected, valued, and free to be yourself
- It promotes the flourishing of both partners, within and through the couple
- It allows for personal fulfillment, including outside the marital space
- It is the trunk from which the branches of the family grow
These are the different aspects discussed by Sylvie Barth in her book: « Le développement durable du couple » (The Sustainable Development of the Couple). An invitation to continue the journey !
What do you think? Share your comments below.
Article written by :
L’Encrier de l’Atelier
Rédacteur Web Freelance
✉️ lencrier.delatelier@gmail.com
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