Two fiancés riding a tandem bike together through nature—a pastoral image that speaks of an essential trust. It is the duo’s trust in their shared ability to move forward together through life as lovers, and their trust in a union that gives meaning to their shared existence. Whether married or not, the couple’s members live a daily life together that calls on them to constantly adjust in order to endure joyfully. This call to grow and evolve is an incredible opportunity for growth. Our inseparable pair can settle into a cozy nest and continue to grow, both for themselves and for the world. The lovebirds form a dyad that is called to open up. This openness can take the form of welcoming children and/or getting involved in community or political work. Our pair of concerned and committed citizens-if not potential future parents-carries within them the capacity to transform the world, both near and far.
The chosen couple, a utopia that still holds appeal
Making a conscious choice to build a lasting relationship today is no easy feat. Setting out on this journey with a partner as a lifelong companion puts us in the position of a pilgrim. The path will be rough, and there will be no shortage of trials; so why put ourselves through this? If many people continue to walk this path together, it is because there is a dream, a true promise awaiting them. If we accept being challenged, growing, and maturing with the other, through the other, and for the other, it is to open ourselves to true love. This is no small matter: today, it has become possible to choose with whom, and how, we form a couple. While this is not without its difficulties, we can hope to reap the rewards of this exciting investment. In a romantic partnership lies the possibility of offering each partner a space for self-fulfillment. The chosen couple is thus a dynamic tool for emancipation, particularly for women, who for long were the partners sacrificed for the sake of the family.
The chosen couple, a meaningful relationship not without its turbulence
After centuries of arranged marriages, the elective couple has marked a radical shift in society. While the limitations of such a union—in the sense of potential instability—were apparent from the outset, it was an entire culture of patriarchal domination and injustice toward those deemed “inferior by definition” under the guise of “weakness” that had to be questioned and transformed to bring it into being. Another innovation has emerged, with the stated aim of helping individuals forge their own paths, while still working together in harmony: personal development. However, in some of its overly self-centered approaches, this model can lose sight of the challenges and riches of life as a couple. Nevertheless, it allows the individual to draw upon unexpected reserves of resilience and creativity within themselves, and, when it takes into account the interpersonal and social dimensions—such as Gestalt—it has the merit of helping these resources flourish further. However, this trend is not always able to embrace the essential component of sustainable couple development. A partner deemed troublesome or overly critical might then become “the person to leave immediately,” without realizing that not everyone is always clear about their own limits and that otherness allows for a questioning that is often beneficial:
Subject to the dictates of modern society—which pays little attention to couples except as a commercial target—and with little training in the dynamics of life as a couple (where vulnerabilities deemed embarrassing inevitably come to light), couples find themselves navigating turbulent waters that are beyond their control. Between the pressure to perform, the need to maintain a certain image, and the pressure to be financially successful—including in the realm of education—spouses quickly feel overwhelmed.
The elective couple, a mind-blowing challenge
The chosen couple is making its mark on the world today. It presents an ideal in motion that often unsettles people. Indeed, it demands a shift in perspective. Three dangers lurk in the shadows. Society demands that we constantly project a flattering image of ourselves. The internet thrives on scandals and trending hashtags. We’re supposed to be the best, we’re supposed to be flawless, free from any slumps. But how can we run in high gear every single moment without cracking? Especially since the chosen couple tears down the masks, aspiring to a relationship with open faces. Cheating doesn’t hold up in the long run! This three-pronged social despotism is illusory, unrealistic, and even hypocritical, for it denies reality. We must therefore let it go. Only true relationships nourish and do us good, without lulling us into illusions or deceiving us with false promises. Lasting love is not content with pretense, and is not satisfied with merely “saving face. »
The elective couple, an opportunity for the future
The chosen couple, issues to consider in today’s world
Desire is certainly not a force to be indulged in recklessly. But when it is directed toward a meaningful project—or even toward a person of substance, which has nothing to do with looks, social status, or credentials—it remains a force that propels us forward in a positive way. The chosen couple is a duo born of a deep desire to live life with another in a meaningful and constructive way. This desire to move forward together is different from the attraction that drives us to want the other person’s body for a single night or a brief moment. It is thus a power that the couple can use to inhabit the world differently. What if forming an alliance were an opportunity too often overlooked? Together and well-matched, we are stronger. While a long-term life together is ultimately nothing like a peaceful cruise on calm waters, it mobilizes invigorating forces that are both creative and adaptive. A couple that connects is truly a force “for life”!
The chosen couple, a force for transformation
The chosen partner is an ideal setting for honing discernment. From the very beginning, it requires each spouse to make the right fundamental choice. If I choose to unite myself with this person rather than another, it is because my heart and my reason understand that the other person possesses qualities that are not only essential to me, but also essential for us to go far together. You don’t take the same boat to sail along the coast or cross the ocean, nor do you choose the same crew… But the process of learning to make an informed choice doesn’t stop there. To have a lasting relationship, each partner must truly listen to the other and be able to speak for themselves. This relationship then creates a space to step back from societal pressures and reflect on them.
The chosen couple, a testing ground for an enlightened future
The elective couple and the ecology of relationships
Ecology refers to the attention we pay to our environment and the study of our impact on the ecosystems of which we are a part, both as a human species and as individual human beings. We can extend this concept to human interactions, as they form a system in and of themselves. Indeed, human beings are integral to the world. The couple, through a chosen and ever-evolving partnership, constitutes a laboratory of human relationships but also a space interacting with the concrete dimensions of existence: eating, drinking, sheltering, producing, engaging in sexual interactions, giving life, and eliminating waste—all in a cooperative manner… To help human beings discern in the face of problematic relationships and reactions, Catherine Boé has established five laws of life. They enable the purification of social relationships and the optimization of adaptation to the realities of life on earth. By being attentive, I will not yield any of my fundamental rights to be, and to interact responsibly and meaningfully, to anyone. Here they are:
- Choose life
- Accept the human condition
- Become who you are
- Be honest
- Be fruitful
A couple can also open up the possibility of starting a family, whether biologically or through adoption. Today, there are new ways to become a family and to live as a family… Tribes can live in isolation (a recent trend in humanity) or embrace more communal lifestyles, even participatory living spaces, oases, or third places, and invent a new sense of community there.
The couple, a space for inventing a renewed society
Some members of the younger generation seem to be turning toward a childless future, out of a desire to help the planet. But what if this choice ultimately leads to a dead end? In an era of degrowth and frugality, we might question the relevance of passing on life. However, our ability to pass on values, guiding principles, and a sense of the common good could be undermined as a result. So, rather than giving up on procreation out of a belief that we are imposing more mouths to feed on the world—even at the risk of extinguishing the human race—wouldn’t it be better to dare to bring forth the creators of a world that is finally more inclusive, ecological, and joyful?
The elective couple reveals itself as a space open to the outside world, one that can be a place of equality, if not of true fairness. Both partners share the same rights and responsibilities, and strive to share daily tasks more equitably. This experience, when lived on a large scale, has the potential to inspire society as a whole.
While it may be a new idea, the elective couple is above all an opportunity—an opportunity for the individual, whether adult or child, able-bodied or vulnerable—and an opportunity for society.
The essentials in a nutshell
Partners freely choose each other to embark on the adventure of life together, guided by shared values. Various realities have been discussed in this article:
- The chosen couple: a utopia that still holds appeal
- The chosen couple: a meaningful relationship not without its ups and downs (because it reveals who we truly are)
- The elective couple: a mind-blowing challenge
- The elective couple: an opportunity for the future
- The chosen couple: issues to consider for today’s world
- The chosen couple: a force for transformation
- The chosen couple: a testing ground for an enlightened future
- The elective couple and the ecology of relationships
- The couple, a space to invent a renewed society
The chosen couple is not merely a private affair that benefits only the partners—or at most their children—but a vital force that radiates throughout society and renews it as if by osmosis. If you’d like to learn more, pick up the excellent book by Sylvie Barth, author, speaker, and radio host, and an expert on relationships. With “Créer son couple quand la planète crie” (Create one’s couple when the planet is crying out) which explores the ecological challenges of relationships, she offers a well-researched, engaging, and lively work that provides a gripping look into the elective couple facing climate challenges!
What do you think? Share your comments below.
Article written by :
L’Encrier de l’Atelier
Freelance Web Editor
✉️ lencrier.delatelier@gmail.com
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